Mr & Mrs Fuksshitup
by Summerlea
Summary: Axel convinces Saix to split a bottle of whiskey with him. saxel!CRACK!oneshot


Mr & Mrs Fuksshitup

**A/N:  
**Rated MATURE mainly for the violence in here. There's character death, sort of morbid fucked up shit, I GUESS. I thought it was funny, but I guess I'm just weird, so.  
And this is super crack. SUPER SUPER SUPAAA Saxel crack. Most of it's relatively in character though, so don't be too sad.  
Written for Commo. Bitch makes me write too much. Lucky whore.

* * *

"Bored," Proclaimed a pillow with a pair of feet and two long, gangly arms sticking out from underneath it where it was laying on the sofa in the recreation room. The pillow wailed a noise of distress and pure boredom that could only be made by a being who's mind was being melted with the sheer nothingness to do, and it wriggled about until a head of spiky, fire-engine red hair popped out from underneath it.

A pair of anti-freeze green eyes peered out, looking up towards the ceiling and then around what they could see of the room without moving. Empty. "Bored," The pillow person whined again, as if by repeating it a second time someone who cared would show up. Unfortunately things didn't work that way.  
All that showed up was Saix.

"Don't you have something more worthwhile do be attending to, Eight?"

Axel hiccuped and wriggled around again, flailing a long arm and just narrowly over-turning the bottle of Jack Daniels on the coffee table as he sat up. The pillow was discarded as he crossed his legs criss-cross apple sauce and looked attentively up to Saix. His Superior stood a foot or two away, looking down at him with an expression that bordered disgust, and his upper lip was lifted on the right side.

"No," Axel chirped in reply, sounding freakishly cheerful. He hiccuped again, swaying a little and Saix took a step backwards, his nose wrinkling up.  
The blunette lifted a hand to wave the smell away, frowning pointedly down at Axel once more. Strange to be in a position like this - looking down on his Inferior. Usually Axel towered above him. "You smell like whiskey," He stated blankly.

Axel swayed again, lower lip jutting out into a pout and he tipped forward, being grounded only by his crossed legs. "_No!_" He gasped in fake amazement, clapping a hand over his mouth a little too forcefully and gave out a muffled, 'Ow.'

Saix stared, the disgusted look having long since been replaced with a blank, warily guarded look of curiousity. He took a step closer since Axel didn't appear to be in an aggressive, cocky mood, and glanced towards the bottle on the coffee table. There appeared to be no glass or shotglass in sight, and the cap to the bottle was missing. "Have you been sitting here, doing shots by yourself?" He asked in vague disbelief.

Axel frowned deeply, sinking backwards into the couch and rubbed his mouth where he'd hit himself too hard. "Maybe," He replied non-commitedly, eyeing Saix as the other lifted up the bottle and gave it a sniff. He recoiled, nose wrinkling up again, and dropped the bottle back upon the table top.

"That's sad," Saix snorted, taking another look at Axel who, now that he wasn't half buried under a pillow, most definitely looked drunk. Or in the very least he looked tipsy, which was just about the same thing since Eight was such a light-weight.

"It wouldn't be sad if you drank with me," Axel countered and leaned forward, giving Saix the most charming grin that he could currently manage.

"No."

Axel's face fell and he momentarily recoiled, but then stubbornly leaned forward again, straightening himself out. "Why not?" He whined.

"Because that smells like _piss_."

"Woahwoahwoahwoahwoah! Tell me you didn't just insult my whiskey!"

Saix crossed his arms and stared blankly down at Axel. The red-head huffed indignantly and sunk back against the couch, crossing his arms tightly as well and grumbled under his breath. A long moment passed, and Axel's shoulders sagged downwards as he peered up at Saix. "...Please?"

"No."

"_Pretty please?_"

"No."

"Pretty please with _cherries_ on top?"

"I hate cherries."

Axel scoffed, leaning forward and pressing his palms into the couch. "You freak, who hates _cherries_? -- Fine. Pretty please with, I don't know, doggie biscuits on top?"

Saix bristled, amber eyes narrowing. "Did you just suggest that I was a dog, Eight?" Axel shrunk back, emerald eyes going a bit wide and he clamped his mouth shut and shook his head hurriedly. He laced his fingers together, swaying in place and watched until Saix's mouth smoothed out of that angry line.  
"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?"

There was a long moment of silence before Saix shifted and his arms fell un-crossed. "Fine," He gave in finally, and moved to sit down on the couch beside Axel. The red head stared, as if Saix was going to spring up at any moment and bitch slap him and scream, "NOT REALLY NOW GO DO A MISSION IN ATLANTICA FOR A WEEK!"  
Such an outburst did not occur, not even when Saix grudgingly reached to pick up the bottle of whiskey. He smelled it, grimaced and held the bottle up to his mouth, taking a quick swig. He sputtered, coughing and nearly dropped the bottle. "Piss," He gasped hoarsely and Axel only laughed in response.

----

Saix cannot remember for the life of them how they wound up in Traverse Town. If questioned, he remembered that sixth or seventh shot of whiskey and Axel talking (slurring) about a bar and, the next thing he knew, they were IN a bar. Or a tavern, really.

Bars, to his knowledge, were usually seedy places that catered to creepers and sad alcoholics -- taverns, not only mildly medieval, but seemed to have a much more entertaining atmosphere. The one they were in right now was certainly a bit more pleasant, with a friendly staff of waitresses and a juke-box, and the entire place was lit up by candles that were on each table, destroying any shadows.

Naturally, Saix didn't like it very much.

But he was content for the time being because Axel had gone ahead and bought him a beer or two now, while the red-head slowly nursed his own across from him. If Saix had had any doubts in his mind about Axel's inability to hold alcohol well, they had vanished thanks to Axel's slurring. He'd fallen out of his chair twice now after getting too excited, and nothing that came out of his mouth made even the slightest amount of sense.

Somehow Saix found it all strangely endearing. Axel was currently halfway slumped against the table with his arm propped up against the top - which was supposed to be supporting him but was obviously not working very well. He was talking about _something_ -- Saix had caught snippets of "burned" and "stupid Mar'uxa" and "kick his ASS" (the latter of which was announced with a happy fist pump that resulted in beer all over Axel's sleeve) -- but Saix was still making a point of trying to listen, or at least appear to be understanding what was going on. He was already quite drunk so the situation was all highly amusing to himself and the idea of leaving hadn't crossed his mind whatsoever.

The music on the juke-box changed from somewhere to Saix's left, and Axel straightened, a happy, drunk smile slipping across his face. "_Wouldn't it be nice if we were older, then we wouldn't have to wait so long..._" He mumbled off-key, swaying in his seat and looked up when Saix snorted.  
"You know!" Axel started, forgetting about the song and lurched forward, pointing a finger in Saix's face and effectively popping his space bubble. "THIS should be our song."

"Our song?" Saix replied, lifting his eyebrows and entertained the idea of biting Axel's finger. _Well why not?_, his drunken mind asked. Saix could not argue with such logic and so he did such.  
Axel squealed and recoiled, waving his hand around like it had been lit on fire or doused in acid. "What the f-fuck! You BIT me! You...fucking... DOG!" Axel's anger quickly turned to laughter and he lurched backwards in amusement and toppled out of his chair once again.

It was at that moment that someone else showed up at the table. It looked like a woman - a waitress - but Saix couldn't be sure because the bitch would not stop_swaying_. He squinted at her, frowning.

As it turned out, it was a waitress and the tavern had apparently had enough of them and they were then kicked out.  
Out on the cobble-stone streets of Traverse Town, Axel flung himself to the ground violently enough to make Saix jerk and step back. He fumbled with his boot, took it off, stumbled up to his feet again and chucked it through the window of the tavern.

Saix jerked around in a slow reaction at the sound of glass crashing to see Axel waving his fist at the tavern and screaming nonsense that sounded very threatening.

"--And then I'll find your MOMMA! And I'll fuck her up bad! With fire! I can do fire! You fucker! Kick ME out of a bar - YEAH RIGHT! I'll get your cat too! Stupid bitch, I bet you've got like, TWENTY cats! Old hags always have c-"  
He was cut off when Saix grabbed his shoulder and jerked him back. The door to the tavern opened and the bartender had stepped out with a shotgun. Axel swirled backwards, arms out as if to provide extra balance, and slurred, "A gun!? I'm already f-fucking DEAD! Shoot me! I dare you! DOUBLE TRIPLE SUPER DOG-"

Saix jerked him back again because even though he knew a bullet wouldn't hurt either of them too bad and that they could fuck the guy up he _did not like guns_. The two of them ran, stumbling and swaying and nearly tripping over one another, down another street. Saix came to abrupt stop and Axel tripped over himself and fell ungracefully on the ground.

"My boot," He wailed as Saix hauled him to his feet and dragged him down an alley-way and promptly clapped a hand over his mouth. Saix peered back out the alley-way at the sound of voices getting closer and made a disgusted noise when Axel licked his palm and squirmed against him.

He let go of Axel and the other made a pleased noise and squirmed up against him again, wrapping his impossibly long lanky arms around Saix's waist and nuzzled against his neck. Evidently, he no longer cared about the bartender, and as the voices trailed away, Saix didn't either.

Axel's mouth was on his neck, wet and hot, and Saix wriggled out of his grip, pushing Axel's face away. "Stoppit," He grumbled to Axel's whine, and pulled the red-head with him out of the alleyway again, glancing back the way they had came.

"Third district!" Axel piped up, hiccuped and started off in the direction of the Third District. Saix stayed back for a moment to watch how ridiculous the other looked, walking like he did. Not only was he so drunk that he couldn't walk straight, but his boots obviously had an inch or two on his normal height and he hobbled and swayed everytime he went from boot to his sock-covered foot.

Axel stopped and spun around on his heel to pout after Saix. "C'mon," He pleaded in that cute whiney voice of his again, and who was Saix to deny him?

-----

They weren't in the Third District for more than ten minutes before Saix had begun to get relatively bored with this world. Axel, obviously more fucked up than him, was currently being easily amused and dangerous to himself by trying to climb up onto a nearby shop roof. What he was going to do once he got on top of there, Saix didn't know.

The blunette slumped back upon a railing and nearly tipped backwards, mumbling a 'Woooah!' and grabbed onto the rail underneath him so as not to fall. Axel giggled at him in amusement and Saix chucked his lighter at the red-head, who snarled a swear and fell from the roof at the distraction.  
Saix snickered, lifting his boot to squish Axel's cheek down with the toe of it and laughed aloud at the snarl the other gave him.

The pair were both distracted when someone cleared their throat, and Axel stopped, hands wrapped around Saix's boot and thigh (having been in the middle of dragging the blunette to the ground to smother him) to look up at an old man and a strange little boy who were staring at them.

Axel lifted his head up, still holding onto Saix's leg. "You're holding hands," He stated, pointing an accusing finger at the pair. The little boy made a strange noise and teetered back behind his father, making a strange wood on wood clanking noise as he walked that sparked Axel's interest.

"I thought that kind of relationship wasn't allowed," Saix drawled, leaning forward with a grin. He swatted Axel on the back of the head and the other hissed and let go of Saix's leg. He swayed to his feet and Axel pulled himself to stand up beside him, a large devious cheshire cat grin crawling up the sides of his face. "Very taboo, don't you think, Axel?"

"Very very," Axel agreed, swaying and reaking of whiskey. He lurched forward and the dark haired boy squealed and jumped back. Axel cackled at the response, sway-striding up towards the two. "I'ma eat your braaaaaaaaaaains, little boy!" He cried, gnashing his teeth. He let out a little hiss of pain when he bit his own tongue, but was only distracted by it for a second or two before he lunged forward.

Saix did not remember what happened next. The scene blurred, and he distinctly remembered the smell of burning wood and Axel's joyful cries of, "HE BURNS LIKE FIRE OH GOD!!!" echoing through the district.  
The next thing he remembered was standing over the old man, who was screaming on the ground with his organs spilling out from his stomach. Axel had loped the man's hands off at the wrists and had attached strings stolen from the puppet boy to them, and was currently dangling them over the old man's face, making the two interact with different voices.

"Oh, Mr.Palm! But I thought you were married!"  
Axel's voice dropped to a gruffer, 'manlier' tone and he wiggled the hand on his left. "I don't care! Sally smells and is a bad lay!"

Saix dropped a hand to the man's sliced open stomach to grasp what appeared to be part of the smaller intestine, and squeezed it in his gloved palm experimentally. The man screamed and writhed, and Axel let out a gleeful noise of approval. He dropped the hands and the hit the man on the face -- who screamed more -- and bent down to watch Saix eagerly.  
Axel paused, grabbing one of the severed hands and stuffed it into the man's opened mouth with the wrist side going in first, and chided him with a, "You're too fucking LOUD." He swayed back to Saix's side, slumping down beside him and nuzzled up against the side of his neck. "Slice ittt," He purred."

Saix wrinkled his nose in disgust at a spurt of blood that shot upwards when he did such, dragging a sharpened nail across the organ, and was thankful that he had his glove on the hand that was holding the organ. The blood was still warm even with it on, but at least it wasn't touching his actual skin. Axel didn't seem to be bothered by it as much as Saix, and there were spurts of blood splattered across his pale face and neck, and a streak of ash across his left cheek-bone from what remained of the puppet boy.

Saix dropped the severed intestine as it continued to spurt out, and peeled his other blood-soaked glove off, dropping it onto the pile of guts that had spilled out across the pavement. Axel nuzzled his neck again, licking languidly at the skin he could reach and wrapped his arms around Saix's waist. "Can we go get my boot now?" He asked nicely, nipping at Saix's neck.  
His Superior chuckled and leaned forward, scraping his nail across the old man's neck - enough to force heavy bleeding out but not cutting deep enough for the man to bleed to death quickly. He straightened, slipping an arm around Axel's waist and tugged him down the side-walk again. "Come on," He instructed and Axel willingly trotted along with him, still swaying but didn't fall with Saix's arm wrapped around his waist.

Halfway into the first district, he did fall again after tripping, but cheerfully dragged Saix down with him, much to the blunette's anger. "Fucker!" Saix snarled, smacking Axel's offered hand away. The younger rolled his eyes and leaned down to forcibly drag Saix to his feet and swayed forward to press a sloppy, wet kiss against his Superior's cheek before laughing and dancing away from any further abuse.

Neither were sure how much time had passed since they had been kicked out of the tavern, but it was enough time for the place to close down. The lights in the windows were out, and they had tacked paper up over the window Axel had broken earlier.

The lanky red-head shrugged out of Saix's grip and swayed up to the other window, pressing his face against it and did his best to peer into the tavern. He pulled back after a moment, scowling. "I can't see my boot. Do you think it's still in there?"

Saix busied himself with lighting a cigarette and when he had finished, swayed and peered around the area, looking to see if Axel's boot had been possibly chucked back outside. He shook his head after a moment, frowning back at Axel.

The other scowled, stuffing his hands into his pockets and took a few steps back to get a better look at the place. He ended up tripping over himself and fell on his ass on the cobble-stone, swearing loudly with something that sounded vaguely like "_Cockfag_!"

"Cockfag?" Saix echoed, looking skeptically down at his co-worker. Axel made a noise that made it very clear he had no idea what he was talking about either, but that it sounded damn cool, and pulled himself to his feet.

"I'm breaking this other window," He declared, pointing a finger to it and looked back to see if Saix objected. The blunette blew a stream of smoke at him and flashed something akin to a grin. He took a step closer, as if to show that he was going to come inside with him, and Axel moved up close to the window again.

He pressed his hands against it, smearing blood against the glass, and tried to think of the best, quietest way to break the window so they could get inside. In the end, he lurched back and grabbed one of the wooden tables that were scattered around them -- a sort of 'patio' seating area- and threw it through the window.

Saix sidled up next to him, staring at the huge hole in the window. "Was that supposed to be quiet?" He asked, exhaling two streams of smoke from his nostrils.

"_No_," Axel bristled, scoffing and climbed through the window. Climbing didn't work very well and he ended up drunkenly tumbling through it, slicing his shoulder open on a long shard of glass still attached to the window pane and landed in a pile on the other side.

Saix climbed in after him, scraped his knee on a sharp piece of glass, tumbled and fell on top of Axel just as the other was starting to pick himself up.

"Asshole," Axel muttered with his face against the wooden floor, and he rolled heavily around onto his back onto to shift Saix so his elbow ended up in his neck. Half of a cigarette hung from Saix's mouth, and it took Axel a moment or two to figure out where the other, lit half was.

"Fuck! Your fucking cigarette is burning me!" He snarled, flailing around until Saix was kneed off of him. He scrambled to his feet, hurriedly un-zipping his jacket and shrugged it off of his shoulders, pulling his shirt off. The lit cigarette fell to the ground, and Axel glared angrily at Saix, who was still lying on the floor and hissing about the cut on his knee.

Saix rolled onto his back, tilting his head back and lifted amber eyes apathetically to Axel's face. There was an angry round burn on his jaw, and a few more down his neck, as well as a side-ways line burnt along the upper part of Axel's chest. "My bad," He offered lamely.

Axel huffed and pulled his jacket back on, zipping it up and grumbling under his breath. He looked around, and gave a cry of triumph as soon as he spotted his boot surrounded by spilled glass underneath the window. He hobbled over and plucked the boot up, shaking it free of glass shards before pulling it back on. "Missed you, bootsie," He crooned happily, stomping around as if to show everyone that he could walk properly once more. Unfortunately, he was still drunk and could not actually walk properly and tripped into a table, breaking it and smashed to the ground.

Still lying on the floor, Saix began to laugh.

Axel heaved himself to his feet and stumbled back towards the bar, grabbing a bottle of what looked like vodka, and chucked it in Saix's general direction. It smashed against a table about twenty feet away from the laughing bluenette -- who began to laugh louder with broken intervals that included gasping 'Oh God!' and 'Can't breathe!'

"Why the fuck are you still on the floor?!' Axel snapped finally, glaring at the other. When Saix did not respond, he growled in aggravation and hauled another bottle off from behind the bar and chucked it at another table.

Saix rolled onto his stomach, giggling breathlessly still and watched Axel. "What're you doing?" He slurred, brows knitting together in confusion. He watched with over-exaggerated movements as Axel threw another bottle, and pushed himself to sit up. He crawled to his feet, grabbing desperately onto a nearby table to support himself, but still managed to trip and stumble and just nearly fall on his face again.

"Burning," Axel replied, sounding cheerful again and not at all bothered that he was burnt and bleeding and covered in some one else's blood. He chucked another bottle as Saix wandered over, and handed the bluenette a bottle of Skyy vodka.

Saix stared at it, rolling it over in his hands, and looked up at Axel as if the other had just handed him a puppy and told him to stab out it's eyes. "But it's_Skyy_," He said.

"Jesus Christ, just throw the fucking bottle, Saix. If you're going to wet your panties over it, just grab a few bottles of it before we leave, okay?"

Saix snorted and rolled the bottle in his hands, stepping away and mumbling, "_Don't have panties.._" to himself. After a moment, he chucked the bottle and it smashed against the juke-box. Axel stiffened up as it roared to life, staring in amazement.

_And wouldn't it be nice to live together, In the kind of world where we belong..._

"Our song!" He cried after a moment, sweeping over to Saix and wrapped his arms around the bluenette. Saix made a noise of distress, fearful of any powerful feelings Axel had, and the red-head kissed him solidly on the mouth.

Saix jerked back after a moment, frowning up at Axel's wide grin. "You have someone else's blood on your _face_."

"...And your point is?"

There was another blur. They were standing in the tavern, smashing bottles. Saix remembered Axel shoving him to the opened door, telling him to _get out_, and the next moment the entire building was engulfed in flames and Axel had him pinned back against a wall in another alley-way.

Axel's mouth tasted like whiskey and bitter, dark beer, but Saix had no complaints because he doubted he tasted any different. He did, however, have many complaints about being the one shoved back against the wall, and voiced them by breaking the kiss and biting harshly onto Axel's neck, shoving him back with his shoulder.

The red-head moaned and willingly flopped over when Saix shifted and pressed him roughly into the brick wall. His hands snagged Saix's hips, drawing him closer. He swept a hand up the front of Saix's shirt (when had his jacket been unzipped?), letting Saix bite and mark his neck and nuzzled against Saix's hair, groaning something that sounded like, "You smell like _smoke_."

While the fire raged behind them and people screamed, Saix shoved Axel's coat off of his shoulders and slipped his hand down the front of the red-head's pants, cupping his arousal roughly. Axel moaned brokenly, bucking into the touch and dug his blunt, short nails into Saix's shoulders.

He remembered Axel's hands fumbling with the belt of his pants, remembered sliding his hands up Axel's thighs, pushing the taller, skinnier back against the wall. He remembered Axel moaning and arching up against the brick wall, and gasping, "Wait."

Moaning, "Not yet. F-Fuck. We have to-"

And then the rest was black.

-----

Saix opened his eyes only to be burned by something that looked suspiciously like _sun-light_. He groaned and recoiled, hauling his blanket up to his chin in some effort to block the atrocious light out, and rolled onto his side in his bed only to bump into another, very warm body.

He stiffened up instantly, amber eyes shooting open again and focused on a head of bright red hair a few inches away from his face. Out of sheer good timing, Axel took that moment to mumble something in his sleep ("Oh, Roxas, I had no IDEA you liked cherries") and rolled over, hands seeking out Saix. He wrapped his arms around Saix's waist and dragged the bluenette closer with a happy, sleepy noise and squished his cheek against Saix's cheek.

Saix stared, beyond alarmed now, and noticed abruptly that they were both naked. He hadn't woken up in a situation like this for a very long time now, and was momentarily completely torn on what the hell to do.

It wasn't very strange to wake up in bed with a random co-worker -- not even waking up to Axel was really that strange, but more often than not Axel was usually gone in the morning and in the past, Saix had always been capable of remembering what had happened the previous night.

The bluenette scowled, sitting up so Axel's head fell from his chest (Axel whined unhappily) and looked around the room that was distinctly not his nor Axel's. He peered at the window, which was most definitely leaking out _sunlight_. If he remembered correctly, they didn't have a sun on their world, so that meant they were obviously not home.

Saix shifted again, shoving Axel away and the red-head jerked awake. He frowned up at Saix in sleepy confusion as the bluenette slipped out and sought out his pants. Axel continued to merely watch, the same sleepy confusion on his face as he peered around the room and slowly sat up.

Saix wriggled into his pants and fumbled with the button. He stopped when something metallic clinked against the button, and looked in confusion at the silver band on his ring finger. Before he could question it, a wave of nausea over-took him and he sunk to the floor, leaning back against the bed.

The bed shifted and soon Axel's emerald eyes were peering down at him upside-down. His eyebrows were bunched up in concern. "You okay?" He asked. Saix groaned in reply, and Axel sighed and shifted again, bare feet plunking down on the floor beside Saix. He grasped Saix by the arm, yanking the shorter up and wrapped his arm around his waist.

"Bathroom?" Axel asked, not seeming to be bothered at all by the fact that he still wasn't wearing pants. Saix clutched his arm, not trusting himself to speak, and bobbled his head. Axel griped him a bit tighter and shuffled around the bed, pushing open a white door that led to the bathroom and deposited Saix on the tile floor beside the toilet.

Axel pulled the lid and seat up and stepped back as Saix gagged and leaned over to clutch the pearly white ceramic basin for dear life. He moved to the sink and counter to grab some toilet paper that was wrapped in plastic there, and paused at the sight of a little silver ring that was over his ring finger.

"The hell?" He asked no one in particular. Axel glanced past the silver band to a manila envelope that was on the counter, and he picked it up. The sound of Saix vomiting brought him back to reality and he quickly moved back to his Superior. He dropped the envelope on the ground and sunk down on the edge of the bath-tub, un-wrapped the toilet paper and pressed the roll into one of Saix's hands before scooping up his long blue hair so it wouldn't get in the way.

"Sorry. I won't feed you whiskey ever again," Axel promised solemnly, and Saix responded with a choked sob in-between vomit. Axel glanced to the envelope again and leaned down to pluck it up with one hand. Still holding Saix's hair back Axel dumped the contents of the envelope into his lap.

He could not hold back his laughter at the papers that came out. After Saix had finished he ripped off some of the toilet paper and wiped his mouth off, leaned up to flush the entire thing away and leaned his cheek against the toilet.

Axel cleared his throat, scooping the paper up and read aloud, "Hollow Bastion Pigeon Forge Wedding Chapel would like to congratulate you on your glorious union that took place June 4th, 2008. Inside you will find your wedding certificate as well as a photograph from the union." He started laughing again, too hard to continue and dropped Saix's hair. The bluenette had fallen silent, amber eyes flitting to the ring on his hand.

Behind him, Axel had reduced to chuckles and was re-reading the paper. "Fuck, Seven. I think I got married last night." Saix stiffened up, eyes going wide and he lifted his head. Axel rifled through the papers and his chuckles abruptly cut off.

Saix turned around awkwardly, looking from Axel's severely unamused face to the paper in his hand, and he craned his neck to read it. "...Mr. and Mrs. Saix Fuksshitup?" He read, voice freakishly calm for the moment.

Neither said anything for a moment and Axel set the marriage certificate down, pulling up a photo of the two of them, painfully obviously drunk, practically molesting one another with a shocked looking priest in the background. Saix scooped the certificate over, staring.

Finally, he said. "You said our last name was _'Fuksshitup'!?_"

"Apparently," Replied Axel. The shock was wearing off, and he was beginning to chuckle again. He scooped the papers up and moved to his feet, wandering back into the main room of the hotel. Still sitting on the floor, Saix lifted his head and yelled after him, "You'd better be burning that!"

There was a soft 'thunk!' from the other room and more laughing. Saix grabbed the bath-tub and heaved himself to his feet. His stomach churned and he groaned, but forced himself onward, and stumbled back into the main room to see that Axel had pinned their wedding photo against the wall with a chakram.

He was currently dancing back into his pants, still laughing and glancing to the photo every couple of seconds to spurr his laughter on. "Nah," He replied.

Saix grasped the doorway to hold himself up, glaring at the photo and then in turn at Axel. "Destroy it," He repeated, almost desperately. Half of his mind was being logical and trying to figure out where the hell they were, but the less logical side was shrieking that the documentation needed to be BURNED and DESTROYED and that Xemnas could NOT find out.

Axel laughed in response, flopping back upon the bed and began to struggle with his boots. "I kinda like it. Who knew you could look so good in a tux?"

Saix pursed his lips into a thin line, glaring at the photograph again. At least neither of them were in dresses. "What do you think suppose Roxas will say when he finds out?" He offered, amber eyes flitting to Axel. The red-head stopped his actions instantly, stiffening up. Green eyes went a bit wide and he continued to just sit there for a moment before snapping his head up.

The photograph instantly caught on fire, along with the other documentation, and he yanked his ring off and chucked it at the dresser. "We're never speaking about this again."

---

Two months later, Axel was strolling away from an irritable looking Zexion. "Fine, fine. Don't get your panties in a twist! I'm going! See? I'm _going_," He continued, exaggerating the act of pulling open a portal. He stepped through it and, laughing, came out on the other side in the meeting room.

He stuffed his hands into his pockets, looking curiously to Saix who was already standing in front of Xemnas' desk. Axel bit back his questions, obediently moving to stand beside Saix although the smile stayed in place.

Xemnas looked up from a pile of papers and what looked to be mail. Axel squinted at it. Did they even get mail out here? Apparently they did...

Xemnas cleared his throat and lifted a piece of paper, looking down to it, then back up to either of them. "Would one of you care to explain to me why we are recieving offers of credit cards to a 'Mr. and Mrs. Saix Fuksshitup'"?

* * *

Oh Xemnas. I feel sorry that he hired people like Axel. For serious. REVIEWS WOULD BE NICE. 


End file.
